lundi 4 février 2008

Ce que veulent réellement les hommes !!! vu par un homme

Voir la version de la Téqui

il y a quelque semaine, attablé au Louvre par un bel après midi d’hiver, mon pote m’a dit : «tu sais, l’essentiel est d’être avec la femme, avec qui on se sent bien !!!». bien entendu ces paroles ne m’ont pas suffit, j’ai cherché alors, et voila ce que j’ai trouvé :

Humour
Ils s’en foutent pas mal Wellah. Une femme khasha tkoune Be39elha, Les homme, ainsi hypocrite société dans la quelle nous vivons, aime bien les femmes qui ne parle pas pour rien dire, une femme qui fais marrer tt le monde, est une Khfifa (qu’on prend avec légèreté, ce n’est pas une femme sérieuse, elle est immature. Il ne faut pas oublier non plus que c’est l’homme qui doit faire objet d’admiration

Richesse
Encore faut il qu’elle tombe aveuglement, follement et miraculeusement amoureuse sa race !!!! Une femme riche est le meilleur moyen de :
- Se Taper des voyages à l’étranger
- Se taper un poste, de responsabilité à 30 000 balles, dans l’entreprise familiale, pour ne

rien foutre.
- Se taper des week-end Beuverie, avec les potes, dans le chalet à Ifrane, la villa de Bouz ou bien

encore La ferme à Oulad 7adou J.
- Pour le crevard qu’il est, de pouvoir se taper le Rexton, ou bien La Golf V (Les crevards,

sans ambition n’ont pas très bon gout)

Par ailleurs, le revenu d’une femme est toujours le bienvenue, certaine femmes actives sont plus recherchées que d’autres pour les avantages auxquels elles ont droit :
- Celles qui bossent à la banque, pour le crédit logement
- Les fonctionnaires, leur régime de retraite….
- Les hôtesses de l’air, pour les voyages par avion à l’oeil

Beauté
Aah ça c’est très important. La femme est généralement, dans bcp de culture, objet de fierté, c’est un trophé qu’on expose devant les amis et la famille, la beauté de la femme est un signe extérieur de réussite. Il faut donc qu’elle soit canon de chez canon, encore faut il savoir que le terme canon est très relatif, il dépend de bcp de choses :
- L’age du Mec, à partir d’un certain age, elles sont toutes canon !!!
- L’appartenance socio-économique
- L’appartenance régionale (Les canons du côté de Laayoun pèsent généralement deux fois plus

que les canons à Fès, je vous raconte pas pour les canons de Marrakech)

Le plus important dans tout ça est qu’elle reste comme elle était le premier jour après 50ans de mariage !!!!

Culture
Les hommes sont très sensibles à ce point, une femme cultivée est généralement source de prise de tête :
- T’as l’air toujours con, quand elle commence à traiter des questions de Géopolitique
- Les droits de la femme
- …

Vertu
C’est très désolant à dire Mais la vertu se limite à une seul chose : Virginité.
Par contre, une fois mariée, la femme doit :
- Connaître toute les positions de Kamasutra
- Accomplir son devoir conjugal tous les jours de dieu fait, et même plusieurs fois par jours, et

partout dans maison et pas uniquement après le dîner, dans la chambre à coucher les lumières
éteintes :D

Cuisine
Ça aussi très important, après une dure journée de Labeur, ou de 3ssir au café, rien de tel qu’un bon repas préparé maison.

Personnalité
Pas besoin !!! Une femme avec une personnalité c’est une source de problème, Elle a son avis sur tout, attention !! elle s’y accroche en plus, elle sera toujours là pour dire non à tout»
Perso je crois que ça résume très bien la pensée régnante L, (putain ça me dégoûte wellah)

En gros, Les hommes cherchent une femme :
- Aussi vertueuse que la vierge marie
- Aussi coquine que Clara Morgan
- Aussi riche que Liliane Bettencourt
- Aussi intelligente qu’une cruche
- Aussi belle que Scarlett Johansson, mais avec le corp d’Angelina Joli
- Aussi habile de ses main que Choumicha

Perso je leur proposerais Gally L’héroïne de Gunnm, mais sans l’intelligence et sans les traits de caractère, de tout façon c’est un Cyborg ils pourront la reprogrammer comme il veulent :D

144 commentaires:

7didane la7rami a dit…

Une telle réflexion ne peut se développer que sur la terrasse du Louvre.

« On épouse les femmes pour quatre raisons : la fortune, la lignée, la beauté et la religiosité. Remporte donc la femme religieuse, ou puissent tes mains ne recueillir que poussière ! » et « Lorsqu’un homme d’une religiosité et d’un comportement irréprochables vous fait une demande en mariage, mariez-le, faute de quoi discorde et corruption se répandront sur terre. »

Dans mes éfforts à éradiquer la corruption sur terre, je ferai tout mon possible de prolonger ton céliba.

Oses-tu me contredire ? Ou renchérir sur ma citation ?

PS : Ca te dit de lancer un café à Casa ? Faut que je trouve une charte et un concept autour de ça. Y a toujours moyen d'innover.

Célibataire Casaoui a dit…

Je n'ose contredire le grand Le7rami. que mon Blog soit damné si jamais, j'y réfléchi ga3 !!!

Sympa l'idée, Les concept il y en a reste juste à trouver la tune pour le local.

Célibataire Casaoui a dit…

P.S pour Le7rami : Je te raconte même pas les autres reflexion qui fleurissent dans la têtes de ceux qui 3sser fi le Louvre le samedi Aprèm :D

Moony a dit…

parlez toujours! quand vous vous faites attraper, vous y allez comme le taureau sur une arène, droit devant, dans réflichir. ça c'est des reflexions qu'on se fait pour frimer entre potes sur la terrasse d'une café, quand on en vient au ma39oul, vous sautez pieds joints et mains liées en plein dedans.

Célibataire Casaoui a dit…

@>> Moony : La mère n'exsiste pas Mais parfois nous la rêvons.

C'est quoi le Ma39oul, Je t jure que c'est un terme qui m'a toujours fait flipper ;)

7didane la7rami a dit…

@Moony
Tu as tout le temps raison.

@C.C
Faut pas la contre-dire a sahbi !

Sinon pour le hadith, il n'est pas de moi.

Moony a dit…

@7didane: tu pousses le plagiat trop loin, le prophète a 7didane???

@C.C. ma39oul, c'est juste "la réalité" ( enfin dans ma phrase) quand vous avez fini de rêver et que vous tombez gravement amoureux :-)

7didane la7rami a dit…

@moony
Précise ta pensée stp ... :D
Déjà que j'essuie pas mal d'attaques sur mon propre blog de plagiat.

Quand je copie je le dis. Le hadith est entre « » et j'ai rectifié une fois C.C s'est trompé de source.

Réviser votre sunnat :p

Célibataire Casaoui a dit…

@>> Moony : moi je ne rêve pas, je sais très bien à quoi m'attendre :)
C'est pour ça que je préfère rester célibataire :D

pour le7rami, je crois même qu'il s'est trompé dans la traduction d'un des deux 7adith, wa allahou a3lam !! Elle est où la voilée ???? jamais là quand on a besoin d'elle :D

7didane la7rami a dit…

@C.C
Fale atabawa9e ma9e3adi fi jahaname idane !

Si je peux demander de la beuz marocaine ca serait gentil. sivouplé.

PS : J'ai copié ce qu'on m'a inculqué au lycée.

Moony a dit…

@7didane: comme nous tous, tu sais on invente rien, on ne crée rien, on redit toujours ce qui a déjà été dit des millions de fois mais à notre manière. respect mon 7didane, je parlais du hadith c'est tout :-)
@CC: c'est ça oué! :-)

ana a dit…

Discussion dial l9hawi ou dial salounate del coiffeur, mais qui reflete la façon de voir de toute une société (ou presque!).
En fait, je trouve normal que plus on prend de l'age (ze3ma, l'experience) plus on devient exigent(e)s: "on me la fait pas à moi"!!
C'est la vertu, l7daga, l7echma pour l'homme (ses exigences ze3ma)... La responsabilité, tbata, la stabilité (ou y koun mdouwwez ou chabe3!!) pour la femme...
Ca reste tres mathematique, aseptisé... Quand l'amour est là, tu n'as plus d'exigences, tu n'as que des evidences.

nouna a dit…

il me semble en lisant tes propos que lemay avait raison ds "je ne veux pas de chien "
je te conseille de le telecharger
et de l'apprendre !

J'veux pas d'chien dans ma maison
qui m'collerais dès mon réveil
qui pour un oui, pour un non
m'aboierait dans les oreilles

Qui s'évacherait sur mon lit
le grosse panse vers le haut
en s'trémoussant mes amis
comme pour mieux se gratter l'dos

M'semble de l'voir la langie sortie
en train d'vouloir faire le beau
pour avoir son p'tit biscuit
pour qu'j'y donne son petit cadeau

Qu'est-ce que j'ferais d'un animal
qui envahirait mon espace
qui s'passerait l'organe buccal
a la grandeur de ma face

J'veux pas d'chien sur mes talons
j'ai pas besoin d'un chien d'garde
qui m'attenderait dans l'salon
dés qu'un pépin me retarde

Qui insisterait pour aller
chercher le damné journal
et qui voudrait tout l'temps jouer
a mâchouiller mes baballes

J'veux pas d'chien dans ma maison
qui serait toujours dans mes jambes
qui m'ramènerait son bâton
quand j'dors tranquille dans ma chambre

Qui se prenderait pour mon boss
qui m'ordenerait d'le nourrir
mais qui voudrait m'voir maigrir
jusqu'à c'que j'aie l'air d'un os

J'veux pas d'chien bête comme ses pattes
qui serait jaloux du facteur
qui reniflerait les chattes
des voisines de mon secteur

Qui r'viendrait content-content
le beau chien-chien domestique
qui r'viendrait ah ! ah ! haletant
la petite queue toute frénétique

J'veux pas d'chien qui m'grimperait dessus
dés qu'y renterait d'dehors
pis qu'y tomberait ben deçu
quand j'oserais le r'virer d'bord

J'en veux pas d'maudit cabot
qui m'acterait ses grands yeux tristes
quand tout c'qu'y'aurait dans l'cerveau
c'est d'se zigner sur ma cuisse

{Instrumental}

Pis j'en veux pas
de chien paresseux
qui serait juste bien
quand y serait ben sale
qui saurait pas
comment devenir vieux
sans s'mettre à perdre
la moitié d'ses poils

J'veux pas d'chien sur mon passage
quand j'sortirais d'mon garage
au diable le rétroviseur
j'y reculerais ça d'un coeur !...

Non j'en veux pas, j'vous préviens
ni demain ni aujourd'hui
j'ai pas besoin d'un ami, non
j'veux pas d'chien dans ma vie...

hmed a dit…

@C.C:
Hiya ana msiyed ? Je lisais ton post et je me suis dit que j'étais avec celle dont personne ne voudrait ?

Humour : Elle me tue de rire
Richesse : 7az9a kter menni !!
Beauté : Avec l'amour j'ai fini par croire qu'elle était belle
Culture : Elle me complexe à ce niveau
Vertu : Plus coquine tu meurs :-)
Cuisine : Elle n'a JAMAIS voulu me cuisiner la moindre omelette
Personnalité : Elle en a à revendre ... a manipuler avec des pincettes
Et pourtant 3ziza 3liya, yakma msiyed ? Dites moi tout !!

Célibataire Casaoui a dit…

@>> Nti : L’amour n’existe pas, c’est l’instinct de survie et de reproduction et L’horloge biologique qui font que, bon gré mal gré, on fini par se trouver une raison de se décélibatairiser !!!
t’as vu un peu le terme qui tue :D

@>> Nouna : Lynda en a fini par en avoir trois !!! :D

@>> Hmed : si ça se trouve 7ta hia Tsseydat Meskina !!!
:D

Moony a dit…

C.C. je vois que nous avons une autre nouna ;-)
@Hmed: on dirait que tu as décroché le gros lot, le jack pot, félicitation, ils vécurent heureux, et emmerdant les envieux. mankounou ma3a CC :-)

hmed a dit…

@C.C : chuuuut rah ma ddat ma jabet :-)
@moony : lla ta tghouwet 3liya bezzaf !!

7didane la7rami a dit…

@hmed
Quand j'essaie de dessiner la pas-belle mais coquine, j'obtiens un truc horrible !

T'es sur de ce que tu dis ?!

Célibataire Casaoui a dit…

@>> Le7rami : il est surement le Mec de la fille dont tu as mis la photo hier !!!

waaayli a dit…

vous savez qu'avec le clonage tout ceci devra être réalisable bientôt! si si, vous allez pouvoir choisir et régler les paramètres de votre future partenaire!!!
sauf que... vous allez également devoir réviser vos (para)métres, qui sont bien loin de l'idéal féminin...

mais si vous daignez "faire avec ce qu'il y a", nous serons bien gentilles de vous prendre.. entre calins et chocolat..

7didane la7rami a dit…

@C.C
Pas du tout.
Moi je dessine une chimère qui vient tout droit des quartiers red du Brésil.

@waayli
8cm vous suffissent.
Au delà, révèle chez vous de sérieux traumatisme dans l'enfance ou des expérience extrême à l'adolescence.

ana a dit…

@ 7didane:
chnou ze3ma, ziada men rass l7me9?! Pourquoi se contenter de 8 cm si on peut avoir plus?!
Un peu comme vous avec le Bonnet D!

Célibataire Casaoui a dit…

@>> Nti : moi je préfère les bonnet C Les 85 plus précisément :D

ana a dit…

@ celib:
tu fais le gars pas exigeant ;)? Un bonnet C, c'est deja pas mal...

Emomo a dit…

Le cahier de charges macho par excellence. Surtout quand on demande à la demoiselle d'être en même temps vierge comme la viege Marie et en même temps connaissant tout ce qui peut épicer la vie sexuelle comme Clara Morgane version soumise uniquement.
Pas étonnant la réplique de Diam's avec son "Jeune demoiselle cherche un mec" Il va falloir l'adapter dans le contexte.
Perso, je préfère une fille belle mais intelligente limite intello et à fort caractère.
Emomo, en mode féministe jusqu'auboutiste.

7didane la7rami a dit…

@emomo
Voilà pourquoi t'es célibataire.
Tu cherches une illusion.

Célibataire Casaoui a dit…

@>> Emomo : Bienvenue au Club Man

@>> Le7rami : Elle est ou l'illusion? Belle et intélligente oula Belle et Fort caractère ????
:D

Emomo a dit…

@celib casa: merci
@7didane:
tiens, jaloux de mes critères? je préfère une demoiselle mure moi, pas une bimbo qui cherche juste à s'amuser.
Emomo l'idéaliste

Célibataire Casaoui a dit…

@>> Emmomo : vas y continue à idéaliser et tu finira Bayr comme moi :D

7didane la7rami a dit…

@emomo
Que tu puisses la trouver, oui c'est probable. Mais qu'elle accepte, c'est bien cela l'improbable. Tu vois l'illusion ?!

Pourquoi diable une femme belle et intelligente te choisira-t-elle ??

Célibataire Casaoui a dit…

@>> Le7rami : Parce qu'il est riche ou mab9a lih walou wi mout :D

Emomo a dit…

D'accord, dans ce cas j'annonce aux demoiselles que je suis libre et les candidatures sont ouvertes.
J'attends vos propositions mes demoiselles :p

auteure a dit…

Si de telles femmes existent, il faut les couvrir de lauriers "chaque jour que Dieu fait" et de ce pas militer pour un féminisme acharné!

Safaa a dit…

Pour répondre à ta question laissée chez 7didane, ghbert à cause du taf pas le temps de respirer.
ça fait plaisir que t'es remarqué ma petite absence.

Et pour répondre à la question de ton post, je vais parler pour moi, j'ai jamais su réellement ce que je voulais, je sais juste ce que je ne veux pas.

hamidmentouf a dit…

wawww j'adore ce que tu fais vraiment c'est très bien écrit et le pir c'est que c'est vraisdonc merci beaucoup de nous faire partager tes prises de conciences des fois on en a besoin pour ouvrir les yeux
voila a bientot j'esper que tu repassera sur mon blog il y a du nouveau ...
mon blog :http://hamidmentouf.unblog.fr/

Salma a dit…

T'as oublié de préciser : "Ce que veulent réellement les hommes MAROCAINS..."
Ouf, il n'y a pas que des marocains dans ce monde :-)

Dominique a dit…

Bonjour CC,
La récente découverte de ton blog m'a beaucoup amusé.

Ton mariage avec ta cousine ou avec Ta célibatéria voudra t-il dire la fin du blog?

Lidée d'un café où l'on organise du Speed Dating à Casa me séduit.

Ah si j'étais célibataire avec 20 ans de moins!

Moony a dit…

CC mon beau, je t'ai tagué, va voir le réglement sur mon blog, ça promet d'être amusant. bises mon grand.

polly a dit…

Finalement, c'est beaucoup d'immaturité de la part des hommes que tu décris.
Heureusement qu'il en existe qui n'ont pas ces critères, parce que si l'amour ne se transforme pas en amitié, c'est impossible un couple. Il s'agit seulement de respect mutuel.

Il fait beau à Casa?
mon fils traîne ses guêtres par là-bas.
Bise Casaoui.

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